Titilayo Onasanya
Robert Lunday
English 1301
July, 27th 2016
Life After Kay’s Death
The news about Kay's state of health
brought my life to a halt. He was diagnosed with Cancer! It started as a slight
pain on the left side of his lower abdomen. That was not the reason for the
visit to the Hospital, but upon examination, the Doctor discovered that he had
a cyst, which was not a problem as long as it was not painful. Before his visit
to the hospital,
He had complained of
dizziness. After series of medical examination, the Doctors found no cause of
dizziness. Kay was worried because he experienced the dizziness intermittently
all through the day. He was referred from one specialist to another just to
find what could be responsible for the dizziness
In summer 2004, he traveled to the UK
and decided on the medical checkup. He was referred to a Cardiologist, who did
not find a cause of dizziness. “Do you have any other medical condition that I
need to know”? The cardiologist asked.
Kay then remembered the cyst that was found on the left side of his lower
abdomen in Nigeria. ‘Yes, the doctor told me that he found a cyst on this side
of my abdomen' Kay pointed to the side of the abdomen. An ultrasound scan was
ordered after which a biopsy test was done. The biopsy result revealed a
liposarcoma.
Liposarcoma is a rare cancer of
connective tissue that resembles fat cells under a microscope. Kay was
devastated! God where is your face? Surgery was imminent. The summer vacation
terminated abruptly. I picked Kay up at the Murtala Muhammed Airport in Lagos
on Tuesday night; he was a shadow of himself, but he managed a smile when he
saw me. We drove quietly home, the journey from the airport to the house became
unnecessarily long. Kay could not keep a conversation he had so much on his
mind.
Kay had already informed his partners
at the Law Firm of Olajide Oyewole & Co of his diagnosis before he returned
home. The question now is where do we do the surgery the UK or Nigeria? Medical
bills in the UK are very expensive though the facilities are excellent. Kay had
not trust in the medical services in Nigeria. His partners advised South
Africa; medical facilities are as good as the UK and affordable. After a few
days of research and consultation, we found AFRIsurg an International
healthcare consultancy company based in South Africa. With Afrisurg, we were
able to procure the visa to South Africa in no time. Afrisurg coordinated our
medical requirements, accommodation and accompanying caregiver in Cape Town
South Africa.
God raised help for us in a
miraculous way; Kay’s partners raised money for the medical treatment in two
days. The journey to South Africa was scheduled for Saturday exactly four days
from Kay's return from the UK. We made arrangement for the welfare of the
children. My sister in law Tinu and my Brother Femi were to stay with the
children. Ike was seven; Mayowa was five and Mofe was three. We told a few
friends and families to help us along in prayers especially our Pastor and
friends from the church. We were optimistic that God was on our side and that
all would be well with us. My Pastor advised me to have faith in God because
with faith all things are possible. At that time I could not tell if I had
faith or not, but I prayed a simple prayer. I asked God to heal Kay because He
is God and not to look at my faith because I was not sure if my faith was
sufficient if God made it a requirement for that healing.
The flight to South Africa from
Nigeria was 6 hours. We boarded at 11 pm and arrived Johannesburg at 5 am. We
boarded a connecting flight to Cape Town and arrived Cape Town at 9 am. Our
caregiver was waiting for us at the airport in Cape Town. She had our names
written on a cardboard at the arrival lobby. She introduced herself to us as
Kathie; she was warm and courteous. She is a white woman of average height. She
is on part time with Afrisurg; she is very prompt and well detailed. She always
carries a small diary where she writes all her appointments and places she
needs to take us to. She was never late on any of such appointments. Often she
had to wait on us to get ready because we were always behind schedule. When she
was almost frustrated, she gave us an alarm clock and called us 30 minutes
before the scheduled time to make sure we were on point.
Kathie drove straight to the
guesthouse, bed and breakfast studio home arrangement. The owner lives in the
main building in the same compound. The house is fenced round with a brick wall
with American barbed wire at the top. Our host lives with her husband and two
sons who were in college. She is Zimbabwean of white ethnicity; her name is
Lizzy. Her husband was a farmer in Zimbabwe; he was one of the white farmers
forced out of Zimbabwe by controversial land reform program. We never saw the
husband throughout our stay. Our host was very warm and seems to have been in
this business of hosting Afrisurg’s guest for a while. She knows all the
procedure. She showed us round our room and explained everything to us from the
electric stove to the heater. The month of June was winter in South Africa, so
the weather was a bit cold.
The next day was Monday. We met
with Dr. Jaco Van der walt the founder of Afrisurg. He is a German-South
African. Jaco, as he is fondly called, organizes quotations for patients and
acts as the care advisor to patients and Doctors. Our meeting with him was very
brief; it was a courtesy visit. He explained the scheduled of lined up
activities to us and how we needed to spend a one week of vacation together
alone before the surgery. We agreed with him that it was a good idea. Later in
the day, Kathie took us to Doctor Brown, the surgeon who operated on Kay.
Doctor Brown reviewed the medical records Kay brought from the UK. He smiled at
Kay and said his prognosis was good. He assured us that cancer had not
metastasized. It was well encapsulated in the lower mesentery, which makes it
easier for them to remove. He again explained liposarcoma, and what to expect
after the surgery. He referred Kay for blood work and another CT scan.
Kathie scheduled us to visit the laboratory on
Wednesday. We chose to spend time together on Tuesday. First, we watched a
movie at V&A waterfront after which we visited their aquarium; and ended at
the harbor where we watched tugboats tow large cruise ships in and out of the
bay. We went on a boat trip. We did have a swell time.
We went to the laboratory on Wednesday for the
blood work. The lab attendants, after drawing series of blood from Kay's left
arm said Kay might need blood transfusion depending on the situation during the
surgery. I offered to donate blood. Kay and I have the same blood group and
genotype. We are compatible; we are both O positive. The lab attendants brought
out a form and began to ask me series of questions, one of the question was-
"when was the last time you had malaria?" I answered, "Oh I had malaria just three
weeks ago." She said, "I am afraid we cannot take your blood." Malaria
is never a criterion for blood transfusion in Nigeria; we are so used to having
malaria that we all self-medicate as if we are treating a common headache. It
is not a blood borne disease!
When we went for the CT scan, Kay
was given a hospital gown to wear. He was instructed to remove any jewelry and
other unnecessary items from his body. He had to drink a large glass of oral
contrast, a liquid that contains barium and has a chalky taste and texture. In
preparation for the CT scan, Kay was instructed not to eat or drink anything
from 7 pm the previous day. The CT scanner is a large, box-like machine with a
hole, or short tunnel, in the center. Kay was asked to lie flat on his back on
a narrow examination table that slides into this tunnel. The CT examination was
completed within a few minutes. After the report of the CT scan and the blood
work had been communicated with Doctor Brown, he gave us a date for the
Surgery. It was July 29, 2014. A date with destiny, a day I will not
forget in a hurry. A day I felt like I had the whole world on my shoulder.
Every morning and night, we
prayed to God, and we studied the bible together. We committed the surgery unto
God’s hands. We began to feel peace like a river around us. We got closer, and
we discussed the future of the children. We avoided talking about what ifs. Kay
bought many books, we read, we learned and shared thoughts on issues of life. I
began to see life in a different perspective. At that time, nothing mattered to
me again but my family.
Three days before the
surgery, Kay had a pre-surgical testing appointment at Vincent Palloti
Hospital. The Nurse practitioner reviewed Kay's medical record. She explained
the procedure: what to expect before and after surgery. Kay had series of
tests: Electrocardiogram (EKG) to check his heart rhythm, a chest x-ray, and
blood tests. She gave Kay a medication called Mira lax that will help empty his
bowel before the surgery; he was to take it a day before and drink lots of
fluid. By the time we return home Kay was beginning to withdraw to himself and
I understood.
Kay was a very deep
person; he was analytical and liked to plan ahead. He might not share his
thoughts or respond to situations immediately. When he responds, he has it all
together. I had great respect for him because of his candor and wisdom. I did not
know what he was thinking about, but I figured he needed that time alone. That
night was unusually long; I waited anxiously for a new dawn because I knew a
lot depended on the next day. I made a preparation of the Mira LAX for Kay and
made sure he drank several bottles of water. He almost had to sit on the
toilet: he emptied everything until it was only water that was coming out.
On the day of the
Surgery, July 29, 2004, I did the best I could do to be strong for Kay. We
prayed together just before Kathy came at about 7.30am. We got to Vincent
Palloti Hospital at about 8.00am. We checked in at the Surgery Center, and we
were ushered into Kay's room. He changed into hospital garment. The nurse
checked his blood pressure and other vital signs. Another nurse came to shave
his abdominal region down to his pubic. After everything had been set, they
wheeled his bed to the theater lobby. We were there for another twenty minutes.
At that time, my heart began to skip, but Kay was calm for whatever reason. The
group of Doctors that would operate on him came together all dressed in their
usual outfit. I was allowed into the theater with him. I was talking to him and
singing when they administered the Epidural through his Spine. In a twinkling
of an eye, he slept off. Then it was time for me to leave.
The surgery was to
last for five hours according to Dr. Michael. I waited in the cafeteria. The
waiting period was torturing. All manner of evil thoughts went through my mind.
Many what ifs. I got famished, but I lacked appetite. I was craving something
that I could not express. There was no one to talk to as I was all by myself. I
went to the restroom five times. I was restless. I needed to talk to somebody,
but there was no family or friends around. I ordered food five times, but I
only had a bite. Four hours later, I saw the anesthetist by the corridor, and
then I knew the surgery was over. I went upstairs to enquire then I saw Kay at
the ICU. He had all manner of gadgets all over him. The machines were beeping
intermittently; the monitors were reading his pulse, his heartbeat and the rest
of that. He had the gas mask, and he looked shrunken to me. I wanted to hug
him, I wanted to carry him in my hands like a baby, but I could not. I was
happy to see him pull through.
The next three weeks
was for his recuperation. We had the post-surgery visit and everything went
well. The doctors and the nurses were very kind and professional; the
environment was neat. The medical equipment was state of the art. There was no
interruption in electricity, no one was idle, and all hands were on deck. I saw
dignity in labor. Our last visit to Dr. Michael was blissful; he congratulated
Michael for a successful surgery. He told us that the tumor might come back in
five to ten years and when it comes back, it will be aggressive! It indeed came
back like a monster after five years.
Kay and I had five
years of bliss, five years of building my business, five years of raising the
children, five years of fantasy, and five years of going deep in the knowledge
of God. Then cancer came back like a monster. I saw Kay died gradually or
should I say in instalments. I cannot describe what Kay looked like before he
finally gave up the ghost. I saw him struggle with life. He did not want to
die. I did not want him to die. His children did not want him to die. His
sisters did not want him to die. He was an only son between two sisters. His
parents were dead; his mother died when he was 14, and his father died at age
70. Nothing could save Kay from Cancer the second time.
We went back to South
Africa for surgery. After the surgery, Dr. Michael called me to his office and
told me that Kay had about six months to live. He gave me a box of tissue and
said, “You are going to need this.” The most annoying thing was the medical
report Dr. Michael gave me. It began with, “this unfortunate man was diagnosed
with … the prognosis is very bad.” He asked me to google “soft tissue” that is
the type of cancer Kay had. My world just crumbled and I began to cry. No one
to comfort me.
We went back to
Nigeria and organised our affairs. Kay mustered the strength and put a good
structure in place for the children and me even through his pain. By the third
month, he became bed ridden. Through it, all Kay remained focused on God. He
seemed to be ready for eternity, and he demonstrated an unusual strength. He
remained very kind to all the nurses that took care of him despite his pain; he
even helped some of them to fix their personal challenges. Kay died in the
house on January 2nd, 2010. Since his death life has never been the
same. I could not imagine myself living a life of loneliness. The children and
I became very close. I am now everything to them, both father and mother.
As God would have it,
three years after Kay's death I met a widower who is a Pastor. He has two
children who are about my children's age. We got married recently, and we live
happily ever after with our five children.
